Sausages vs The Gangstas

CHINA CREEK PARK, August 15, 2005.
It was a fitting end to the 2005 ball season as the Sausages took on crosstown rivals Grantsta's Gangstas in what could be called a 'Subway Series'. The final score wasn't the most important thing this night -- although for the record the Sausages demolished the Gangstas 25-6 -- the most important thing was that the beer was cold and the burgers were hot after the game. In fairness to the Gangstas, they did win in the speed derby after the game, with Gan (11.51), Shun (11.89) and Aaron (12.16) having the best times. Only Satoshi "Speed" (11.65) from the Savages made the top four. Volley was confused about the speed derby, and commented "I am fast and loose, does that count?"
"We had one person on injured reserve who didn't race," said Norm! We can only guess what he meant by that. Norm! was the sentimental crowd favourite as he came out to ump this hotly contested game.
"It was a great game. You guys [Sausages] were way too good," said Ricky.
"それは大きいゲームだった。人[ ソーセージ] よい方法余りにだった," said Ricky in Japanese (you might need to download the Japanese character set to read that).
On facing Volley, his regular season teammate, Dirty Al said "I didn't know what an intimidating pitcher he was."
Highlights of the game included a grand slam by WendyK, a stellar catch by K-O, and some smoking defence by both teams -- NOT!
There was a good spirit in the game. "There's a good spirit in the game," mused T-Bag.
"When I got to play catcher tonight it was like I fulfilled my childhood dream of following in Gary Carter's shoes," said Skags.
"I got my first ball injury when I tripped over the bag at first," said Claudia.
There was some controversy over a call at second when Bernie made a 'facial tag' on Plague, who argued the call. "We had to make a statement; you can't run on the Gangstas," said Dirty Al.
After the game, tempers cooled, and as Ricky and Skaggs played some disc down by the school yard (sounds like a song), the charcoal embers of the barbecue glowed in the evening light. The only concerns were things like who put the veggie dog in the bag with the brats, and that Ricky was the first person of the night to have a triple dog. "The veggie dog was the worst mistake of the night," said Skaggs.
"The worst part was getting halfway through it before realizing it's a veggie," groaned T-Bag as he tossed the limp veggie dog over the backstop.
"A lot of people still call me Yummy," said Yumi.
WendyK made some delicious burgers and everyone enjoyed a burger and beer as a final celebration of two fun seasons of ball. Thanks to everyone who made this season fun.

- PF

Guest Editorial

CHINA CREEK PARK, Vancouver, August 15, 2005.
By ReDD, guest writer who speaks of herself in the third person.
In the much anticipated grudge-match officially closing the season, the Gangstas are yet again duking it out with the Sausages' coaching staff. Sources close to T-Bag and Mit have confirmed that the arguing is over Redd. Not one of serious contenders for this year's MVP award (see Vancouver MVP Awards, page 8), Redd is nevertheless centred around another controversy. Sources close to Redd have vaguely hinted that since the Gangstas season is closed, that she is considering herself a free agent and is about to sign on with the Sausages for the finale. In a closed door meeting with the Sausages, T-Bag has hinted that he will significantly sweeten the deal if Redd signs on. The feisty and hot-headed captain of the Gangstas held a news conference early this afternoon and resignedly confirmed that Redd will in fact be playing with the Sausages next Monday. Some remain skeptical of Redd's choice to play with the Sausages. One critic was quoted as saying "Its obvious she's just out for glory, there's no such thing as team loyalty anymore." Redd promptly informed the critic that this person could go ahead and "FAAAAAAUUUUUUKKKK OFF AND DIE!" Another critic was overheard saying "All this harsh language has to stop. This is supposed to be a game based on solid family values." Mit & Gumby were both seen railing on the unsuspecting tard, and while Mit was her normal reserved self calling him a "FAAAAUUUUKKKING Ass*hole", Gumby disappeared with the maroon for a while. Gumby reappeared but the maroon has since failed to appear. Gumby's people are not talking. Redd is estatic as this means that T-Bag has agreed to provide a keg to quench all players's thirst. Fans will be offered a beverage coupon at the door with drink proceeds going towards the Northern BC Ostrich Riders Association.
- Redd

Pro-Am Announcement

KITSILANO, August 7, 2005. The Sausages will take on Grantsta's Gangstas in a charity game Monday, August 15, 2005 at picturesque China Creek Park. The Gangstas laid down the challenge in a press conference on August 6th, and a verbal shouting match took place between the feisty Sunny Glick of the Gangstas and T-Bag, coach of the Sausages. At one point Glick had to be retrained by her entourage of henchmen.
There will be a barbecue at the park so bring a few hot dogs or burgers and a beverage of your choice. All proceeds from the game and the concession will be donated to the interior cock-fighting league, southeast chapter.
Stay tuned for more updates.

- PF

More quotes from Game 12

Editorial correction:
We seem to have left out a few quotes:
When asked whether his extreme pitching heat was due to him taking steriods, Volley bristled. "Does anyone want to test my pee?" he snarled.
ReDD was vocal about the press coverage. "People who blog about themselves are not much different than exhibitionists... except for the clothes," she said.
At one point, Shoe couldn't see Volley through the angle of the fence and announced, "Volley's so slim, when he turns sideways he disappears!"
"Damn," said T-Bag.
Mit was silent again, except for a [raspberry] directed at the reporters.

There, I think that's all of them.
- PF

Game 12 - Glue

CHINA CREEK PARK, Vancouver, August 4, 2005.
It was billed as the "rematch of the century", a "game for the ages", a "preview of the World Series", but it didn't turn out quite that way. The underdog Sausages were up against the formidable Glue in the last game of the season, and the Glue were just too good on this night. Final score was 12 - 5 for the hometown Glue in front of 9 rabid fans and fabled China Creek Park.
The players were philosophical after the game. "I gotta take my cup out," said T-Bag.
A damper was put on the game when star centre fielder Norm! broke his wrist on a slide into third. "I felt something snap," said Norm!. Later, a drugged-up Norm! joked with reporters in the hospital, saying "I'm ready for the tournament coach.... zzzzz..."
There were some outstanding performances by Satoshi "Speed", who went 4/4 and was solid defensively, Gumby, who was 2/4 and made some nice stretches at first. "I'm like a god[zilla]" said Gumby modestly. Newcomer Kevin had a 3/4 night as he made a strong bid for a starting position next season.
When asked how he can explain to the fans that he has to take the tournament off to be with his wife, who is due with their baby, Satoshi said "This is a difficult question".
The fans reflected on their experiences during the season and one fan remembered the time Shauna asked fan Sunny Glick where her father was, referring to Aaron. To add insult to injury, it was that on that day Aaron had dyed his hair to look younger!
Mit was again silent to the reporters and even pushed a couple of cameramen and kicked one of them. She's expected to receive a 9-month suspension.
Here's the box score:
Speed 4/4
Norm! 0/1
Shoe 1/3
Gumby 2/4
Kevin 3/4
Tod 2/4
ReDD 2/4
Dirty Al 1/4
Volley 1/4
WendyK 0/3

- PF

Next Game - August 4 at Industrial Glue

EAST VAN, Canada, August 2, 2005. The Sausages wrap up the regular season Thursday against the home Glue at beautiful China Creek Park. The last meeting of these two teams was close, and this matchup looks to be a real barn-burner. Volley, the ace of the Sausages' rotation, is expected to get the start, although coach T-Bag is not saying anything officially about it.
After last week's confidence-building win over the Spectacles, the Sausages look to build some momentum going into the playoffs.
There will be a ceremonial first pitch thrown out before the game by Mit. And the national anthem will be sung by Volley. Neither of them know about this yet.
After taking last week off to deal with the death of his cat, Shoe will be back in the lineup. "I'm disappointed that my ironman streak had to end at 10 games, but what can you do?" said Shoe from the shoe he lives in.
Get there early to watch the batting practice, because this one will probably be sold out, just like last game. Game time 6:30.
-PF

Game 11 - Spectacles

MONTGOMERY PARK, July 28, 2005 (by Mit, guest writer).
Well, first of all, the Savages rocked the field against the Spectacles who had brought in a third string pitcher (both of their guys on holidays)....big fan support today too... Masako, Dot, Kenji and Satoshi's wife, Yumi. The final score was 21 to 13 for the Sausages.
"Just one of those quiet type games that could've turned ugly," said Volley.
"We really left it out there on the field," said T-Bag.
"I had no balls," moaned Dirty Al.
"I've never known Tod to have such a hard crotch!" heckled a fan who identified herself only as "Dot".
"How stupid am I, I only brought a white shirt to wear with a black bra?!" complained WendyK.
When asked if the team missed Shoe's presence on the field tonight, an person who asked to remain anonymous said "What? Wasn't he here?"
Mit refused to talk to reporters after the game, presumably still stinging from the vicious misquotes that have been hounding her since day one.
"I'm okay, don't worry about me, [I'm only the fucking lead SINGER!]" said ReDD the reliable sub, who didn't play the game tonight. Highlights included two homers, one by newcomer to the team Kevin, who dinged a beauty out to centre field in his first at bat, and another by veteran Coach, T-Bag, who banged a beauty dinger to left the following innning. T-Bag was possibly egged on by some controversy over a call at third. Volley, umping at the time, stopped the game, came out into the field, and said he could quit if the Spectacles sideline didn't pipe down. "We all do our best to ump and make the right calls," he said.
Everybody batted well. A bit of unsteady fielding by the Spectacles allowed a few of the 'on bases', but that's part of the game isn't it? Miwa had a couple of beauty stretches at first to snag the low balls and get the outs!

Box score:
Satoshi - 3/5 (three nice bunts to get on first)
Norman - 5/5
Miwa - 2/5
T-Bag - 5/5
Dirty Al - 3/5
Tracy - 3/5
Kevin - 5/5
Volley - 2/5
Wendy - 4/4

-mit

[Editor's note: if anyone has seen Almost Famous they may find ReDD's quote above very funny.]

Next game - July 28th vs. Spectacles

VANCOUVER, July 25, 2005. Thursday's rematch between the 2-8 Sausages and the 1-9 Spectacles is shaping up to be a battle of cellar dwellers. The Sausages are hosting the Spectacles in the hot, humid Montgomery Park southeast diamond at 6:30. The fan turnout is expected to be huge for this one, so the scalpers will be earning enough money to make up for their big losses at some of the other Sausages games.
When asked about his team's chance, Coach T-Bear said "Frankly, I'm tired of that question and the way the media has blown this whole issue of winning and losing out of proportion."
"I'm planning on using an illegal bat," said Volley. "But that's off the record, right?"
Expected starters are Volley for the Sausages and Rick for the Spectacles.
- PF

Game 10 - Hounds

CHINA CREEK PARK, July 21, 2005. It was yet another case of close but no cigar for the Sausages as they fell to defeat against the volatile Hounds 14-13. The Hounds jumped out to a huge 14-2 lead by the 4th inning on a bunch of loop singles and lucky ground balls. Then the Sausages came charging back, scoring 7 in the 5th, and 4 in the 6th to close to within one. Things looked promising in the bottom of the 7th, but Shoe couldn't pull a single out of his hat and runners were stranded at first and second.
Highlights included Satoshi's beating out two infield singles with his blazing speed, and his great hook slide at home, and Tracy's two nice catches at second.
Before the game there was a field dispute which threatened to cause all hell to break loose. "If you're gonna get into a rumble, you want the Hounds backing you up," said Dirty Al.
"The game almost didn't go ahead," added Coach T-Bear.
Mit piped in with "I'm not psycho!"
When asked about the game itself, the players were evasive. "We goin' to the cottage tonight or what?" said Dave Williams, shifting his gaze from left to right to avoid the reporters.
"We gave it away early like we usually do... but we came back.. but it was too late," said Norm, in an inexplicable Yogi Berra-like quote.
Here's the box score:
Satoshi 4/5
Norm! 3/5
Tracy 3/5
Shoe 4/5
Dave W 3/4
Nicole 2/4
Dirty Al 2/3
T-Bear 2/2
Volley 1/2
ReDD 1/4

- PF

Next Game - July 21 vs. Hounds

EAST VAN, July 18, 2005. The Sausages will be taking on their playoff nemesis the Hounds on Thursday night at beautiful China Creek Park. Starting pitchers are expected to be Volley for the Sausages and the hot tempered Larry from the Hounds. Game time is 6:30 and it's "bat night" so the first 10,000 fans get a free Tri-Shell bat.
The Sausages are feeling confident. "I am sure...[we can beat them]" said Mit, the Sausages spiritual mentor.
"We have [no] doubt in our mind about this one," said Shoe.
The slumping Sausages will be without start first base person Gumby. It is expected that they will call up Tracy and Marlene from the triple A farm team in Surrey.
- PF

Game 9 - Traders

STRATHCONA PARK, July 14, 2005. In one of the sloppiest games of the season the Traders squeaked by the Savages by scoring four runs in the bottom of the eighth inning for the win. It was a back and forth game, with the Savages looking shaky in the first, but settling down and hitting well in the second, when they scored 5 runs. After falling behind in the 6th, the Savages stormed back with 4 runs in the 7th to tie the game and send it to extra innings, where they scored another 3 runs. But it wasn't enough.
Both sides committed several errors, and the Shoe had a particularly dreadful night at shortstop for the visiting Savages. The vibe on the field was bad, as several heated exchanges took place between the teams as well. On the brighter side, Satoshi ("Dash") had a great night of hitting, going 5 for 6, and WendyK had a huge domer in the third for a triple, and a great running catch to end a Traders rally in the 3rd. "I love those catches" smiled WendyK, referring to the long run in and full stretch to catch the ball.
Gumby got on base 5 for 6 as well.
"We tried hard but they beat us, now the only thing left to do is go for a beer," said Volley.

Here's the box score:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 R H E
Savages 1 5 2 0 1 0 4 3 16 28 lots
Traders 5 0 1 2 2 3 0 4 17 28 lots

Satoshi 5/6
Norm! 4/6
Gumby 5/6
Shoe 3/6
T-Bear 4/6
Nicole 0/6
Dirty Al 2/5
Volley 3/5
WendyK 2/5

Next game - July 14 vs. Traders

By Phil Fly, staff writer.
The Savages are looking to shake the monkey off their back as they visit the Traders at historic Strathcona Park Thursday night. The Savages are on a four-game losing skid, despite playing some fairly good baseball over that stretch. The starting pitchers are expected to be Volley for the Savages and Joe Lotzaballz for the Traders.
Coach T-Bear was quoted as saying, "I don't care what you write as long as you get the words T-Bear in there somewhere."

Game time is 6:30, and the pre-game warmup and autograph session for the fans is at 6:00.

Nobody better forget their cleats this time!

Stay tuned for a post-game analysis on Friday.
- PF

Game 8 - Mad Dogs

STRATHCONA PARK, July 7, 2005. The Sausages went into tonight's game hoping to break out of a recent 3-game losing streak, but it would be tough against the reigning league champion Mad Dogs. The Dogs racked up 5 runs in the first and never really looked back, as they went on to defeat the slumping Sausages 13-6 in front of a smallish crowd of 4 (including the bat persons). Aside from the first inning, Volley pitched a strong game and was relieved in the 5th by Shoe, who didn't fare as well, giving up 5 in the fifth. There were a couple of near-injuries to add a little excitement, including Dirty Al taking a sharply hit ground ball to the chops, and WendyK almost doing the splits while running down a deep hit in left. Chris, the starting pitcher for the Dogs was firing some good heat and the Sausages struggled a bit at the dish. It was also Redd's first game in a while.
Coach T-Bear said, "Redd came through in a pinch and played a solid second base.... FAAAAAACK U!!!"
Assistant Deputy Field Manager Shoe, when asked about the status of Mit, said "Mit's riding the pine right now because we're concerned she's going to pulll a Kenny Rogers and attack a cameraman one of these days. We think it's the stress of arriving late at the games... she's gonna have to ask the boss if she can get off work earlier on Thursdays.... FAAZAAAACK U"
Gumby had a good game at first, using her famous stretches to reel in some wild throws (and some,... ahem, SOFT throws...), and she hit the ball well, only it was usually at someone. Her fellow countryman Satoshi also had a strong game defensively, but couldn't buy a hit despite making good contact.
The numbers:
Satoshi 1/4
Norm! 2/4
Gumby 1/4
Shoe 3/4
T-Bear 2/4
WendyK 1/4
Dirty Al 1/4
Volley 2/4
Redd 2/3

Next Game - July 7th

The Sausages are going to have to get PUMPED up for the next game. It's against the Mad Dogs, winners of last year's league tourney, and the Dogs are the home team. The park is the beautiful Strathcona Centre Diamond in the heart of East Van. Gates open at 6, game time is 6:30, and tickets are still only $5.99.
The keys for the Sausages to win this one will be patience at the plate and getting off to an early lead. Go Sausages!

Just a reminder to sign the roster if you haven't already done so because we have to submit it by July 15th.

The blog will be updated Friday and Monday mornings throughout the season (and maybe into the offseason).

PF

Game 7 - Shirts

Under the hot, muggy sky of famous Montgomery Park in Vancouver, the Savages took on the best dress team in the league -- The Shirts. The Shirts jumped out to an early 6-1 lead before the Sausages started a comeback that was too little too late. After a clutch triple by T-Bear and a dramatic game-tying double by Volley, all in the 6th, the Shirts scored the final blow in the 7th after a costly error by the Shoe. In a game that was marked by controversy over an illegal bat call on Marshall, the Shirts proved to be too much on this night. Despite the high score, it was a pitcher's duel, with both Daryl of the Shirts and Volley going the distance.
In the post-game press conference, Mit, who was dressed in jeans and didn't really look prepared to play in a ball game said "If any of you think we're spoiled brats because we make millions playing a 'game' for a living, you can all kiss my ass!" Coach T-Bear said "Mit's known for being outspoken... she's a competitive girl and sometimes people say things in the heat of the moment that they shoulda thought about a little longer and that they probably didn't mean."

Here are the stats:
Ricky 2/5
Dirty Al 1/5
Mo 1/4
Shoe 2/4
Norm! 2/4
Tracy 2/4
T-Bear 4/4
Volley 3/4 (would have been 4/4 if not for the illegal bat)
WendyK 1/4

Game 6 - White Sox

The place: Templeton Park, 2002 Templeton Ave according to the schedule. But we all know it's really 737 Templeton Ave. The enemy: The White Sox. It was a back and forth lead for the first few innings and stayed close until the 5th inning when the Sox exploded for 7 runs and put the game out of reach. It was not a sharp outing for the Shoe, who gave up said 7 runs.
Highlights included WendyK's nice catch and gun to third to hold the runner at second; Norm ran a ball down and made a nice throw to the cutoff and in the ensuing play at the plate the foolish Sox baserunner was tagged out. Gumby made almost exactly the same play against the same guy at least 3, maybe 4 times! She also had a great day at the plate. T-Bear called a good game behind the plate and was robbed twice at the dish after crushing two hard liners right at fielders.
The unofficial stats are as follows:
Dirty Al 2/4
T-Bear 0/3
Ricky 0/1
WendyK 2/4
Shoe 2/4
Norm! 2/4
Miwa 3/4
Satoshi 2/4
Volley 1/4
Mit 1/3*
* Suffering with a "broke" thumb.

Game 5 - Biminis

Biminis had what looked like an improved lineup over last year, and an improved green bat (illegal?). Volley pitched 3 1/3 solid inning until the big bats of Biminis started to light him up in the 4th. Shoe came in and gave up another 4 in the 6th. It was the highest runs against this year as they scored 16 to the Savages' 7. T-Bear made his catching debut and looked like a cagey veteran behind the plate. Satoshi played third for the first time and had an outstanding game there, as well as at the plate. Dirty Al continued to swing a hot bat, going 3/5. Wendy got a bunch of action in left and made some great catches. Aside from at least 3 errors from Shoe, the "d" was pretty good.
The lineup:
Norm! - 0/5
T-Bear - 4/5
Miwa - 1/5
Shoe - 4/5
Dirty Al - 3/5
Tracy - 1/5
Satoshi - 3/4
Volley - 4/4
Wendy - 2/4

Game 4 - Slam Chowder

Nothing gets the Savages pumped up like playing Volley's old team. It was a high energy game from the start, and the Savages soon showed who is better. In the end it was an easy win, but it helped that the Savages were able to get a good start and put the Chowder away early.
T-Bear had a great double play late in the game to really kill a potential Chowder rally. Tracy had a huge hit to right that domed the fielder. She could have had a home run except for some "suspect" coaching at third! Dave W had an even bigger off-field hit which cashed in two runs and the only reason it wasn't a home run was that he pulled a hammy rounding first. Volley pitched 4 solid innings for the win.
Final score: 13-6 Savages.
Lineup:
Norm! - 2/5
T-Bear - 3/5
Tracy - 1/5
Shoe - 5/5
Dave W - 2/5
Marlene - 4/5
Satoshi - 3/5
Volley - 2/4
WendyK - 1/4

Game 3 - Raiders

It was a cold, rainy night at Strathcona Park as the Savages took on the power-hitting Raiders. The game started well, with Norm stepping in to pitch for the "mysteriously absent" Volley (Volley later bought a pitcher of beer to atone for his lateness so all was forgiven). Norm was solid for about 3 1/2 innings until the wheels started to fall off behind him. There were some defensive lapses that let the Raiders run away with the game a bit. The Savages finished strong, but couldn't catch up to the big lead the Raiders had built up.
Final score: 18-9 Raiders
The lineup:
Dirty Al - 4/5
Satoshi - 2/5
Gumby - 1/5
Shoe - 3/4
Norm! - 2/4
WendyK - 1/4
Hambone - 4/4
Mit - 0/4
Ayako/Volley (5th) - 1/2; 1/2

Game 2 - Industrial Glue

The perfect record of the Sausages was finally broken as they lost to the Industrial Glue. One bad inning cost the Sausages the win. Final score was 11-7 Glue.
The lineup was:
Jeeves - 4/5
Gumby - 0/4
Shoe - 0/4
Norm! - 2/4
Satoshi - 4/4
WendyK - 1/4
Dave W - 2/4
Volley/Hambone (5th) 1/2; 0/2
Mit - 2/4

Game 1 - Spectacles

The Sausages simply overpowered the home Spectacles in MHRS play Thursday, May 5th. Volley pitched 5 solid innings for the win, and had two of his trademark loopers into right, one of them for a triple. Dirty Al, sporting a new helmet, had a strong game, getting on base 3 for 4, including two solid liners up the middle. Gumby was a pickin' machine at first base and hit very well.
Final score: 21-9 Savages

The lineup was:
Dirty Al 3/5 (missing one at bat in the scorebook)
DaveW 0/6
Gumby 4/6
Norm! 4/5
Shoe 5/5
WendyK 4/5
Hambone 4/5
Volley 4/5
Mit 3/4 (missing one at bat in the scorebook)