Sausages sniff the Glue

CHINA CREEK PARK, British Columbia, May 18, 2006. An undernourished bachelor, a visit from Winter, and another story of a navy career ruined by Tabasco. Those were the themes of the night Thursday as the Sausages took on the first-place Glue in MHR action. The score (which isn't really important, is it?) was 18-10 for the Glue.
The on-base machine, Satoshi, his wife away the past two weeks, was clearly weakened by malnutrition as he had his first strikeout in recent memory in his first at bat. He was revived with smelling salts after that at-bat and finished the game three for four. Meanwhile, on the mound, Volley had a strong start and it was only due to some lucky seeing-eye singles and sun-blinded errors behind him that the Glue did as well as they did. In a dramatic shakeup, Sink was thrust into the catching job mid-game, replacing the shocked Shoe, after which Volley retired the side 1-2-3 on about 5 pitches. "It's all about the catcher," said Sink.
Winter got his first few innings in of the season, playing a solid centre field and ripping a couple of hard line drives. "We should be in an over-40 league," he said later at the post-game team meeting.
T-Bag was a little less jovial. "I don't know why [I didn't steal]... it was dumb," he said, before adding, "I've been working on my quote all week!" He was two for two at the plate, picking up his average from the first two games.
Mells, who is conducting an "intensive search for a new nickname", asked some reporters, "Who's the fly on the wall?" It wasn't clear if she was referring to Phil Fly.
After the game, at the team meeting at a secret location code-named "Joe's", Volley secured a choice table for the team and wisely flanked himself on both sides with several other players, to give him a buffer against the throngs of groupies. One groupie, who happened also to be a waitress, asked "Hey Marshall, what are you doing in there?" Busted. Meanwhile, Dirty Al told a rip-roaring story about his buddy's buddy Boris who had his life ruined when his (Boris') roommate splashed Tabasco in his face and Boris cracked his knee on the coffee table. It was riveting. After the roaring laughter died down, Dirty Al, who, incidentally, was voted third star by the junior fan club, put on his best southern accent and said "I'm going home for some chicken pot pie." He then flipped everyone the bird and stormed out.

Box score:
Satoshi 3/4
Dirty Al 2/4
Deedee 2/4 (couple of nice rips)
Shoe 4/4
Norm! 1/4
Mells 2/3 (got robbed at least once)
Sink 1/3 (got robbed at least once)
T-Bag 2/2
Winter 1/2 (got robbed on his second AB)
Volley 0/4 (can this be correct?)

Injury report:
Dave Williams, on the 14-day disabled list

P.F.

CHINA CREEK PARK, British Columbia, May 11, 2006. The Sausages got a rude awakening and their perfect season was ruined at the hands of the formidable Traders in Thursday's action. Led by a three-home-run performance by Blake, the Traders had little trouble taking care of the Sausages on this night. One of the Traders is pictured in figure 1.
The "Links" took an early lead, but it didnt' last long, as the Traders stormed back in the fourth inning with seven runs and rocked the Shoe for another seven runs in the sixth, eventually running away with a 23-14 win.
The "intestinal-membraned ones" had another solid performance on the sticks, but the defense never really found its groove. "They were swinging for the fences and we weren't playing them deep enough," said T-Bag. Meanwhile, Speed-oshi was five for five at the dish and scored three times, while Dirty Al, batting in the two-stick, was also five for five and scored three runs. Mary had a monster triple in the fourth that she tried to turn into a dinger but was thrown out at the plate (or was it the coach's fault?).
Controversy erupted in the fifth inning when a little white dog jumped the fence and streaked across the field, revealing the words "Soy Bomb" painted on its side. It was tackled by security guards and removed from the stadium.
Reporters spotted Mike "Winter" Chan in the Sausages' press box and rumours started flying that he might be coming out of retirement to play for the "smoked, cured ones." Winter naturally declined to comment, but he did say "Old Man Winter is knocking on the door." Obviously this was code for "I am dying to play some Sausage-ball."
First-string scorekeeper Mit, usually standoffish with the media, really opened up after the game. "It's hard to keep score when there is a baby around and people to talk to," she said.
Angie, after just missing a ball at third, on her way into the dugout was heard muttering, "that extra half-inch [glove size] would have made a difference."
Junior recruit Ewan was visibly upset with his lack of playing time. "If they won't play me, trade me," he said. Another future Sausages star, Julius was more patient, opting instead to cheer on his dad, Dirty Al, instead of getting into a war of words in the media. "Come on Dad!" he yelled.
The smoked, cures ones will now regroup and take on another tough opponent, the Glue, this Thursday in the lush green confines of China Creek Park. The fans will be wearing a sea of blue, so it should be exciting. Coach Shoe said, "get to the park early and warm up thoroughly, I don't want to see all this limping going on all year!" He continued, "And don't forget to bring $50 for T-Bag for league fees. And what does a guy have to do to get a beer around here!"

Box score:
Speed-oshi 5/5
Dirty Al 5/5
Deedee 3/5
T-Bag 1/5
"Tiger" Williams 2/3
Shoe 2/2 (pitched 3)
Sink 3/5 (I just made up that nickname, let's see if it sticks)
Mells 1/5 (same)
Norm! 3/5
Volley 2/5 (pitched 4)
Mit (DS)
Winter (riding the pine)

P.F.

Game 1 vs. Slam Chowder

CHINA CREEK PARK, British Columbia, May 4, 2006. The sun was shining on the Sausages as they easily defeated the uninspired Slam Chowder 25-12 in their home opener at legendary China Creek Park. The fans had a ball too, with all four cheering (well, one of them was crying at times).
The advantage the Sausages had was their girls, with all three having outstanding hitting games and totally outmatching the Chowder's girls. Mary, who still doesn't have a nickname, called the dugout atmosphere "extraordinary". Angie, also without a nickname, said "It doesn't matter what you're wearing, you gotta get down." It's not clear exactly what she meant by that.
Starting pitcher Volley hurled. He then came out for the game, pitching three solid innings in his first start of the season. "The energy level wasn't there," he said weakly before collapsing on the bench from the Norwalk virus. He was later seen stumbling around a local pub looking for the "Reverend" chair.
Rookie Skags, a last minute call up from the farm team, showed some nervous energy early but got rolling later in the game. "After I pulled my groin I really settled down," he said.
Associate coach T-Bag seemed to enjoy his role as a pure player. He remarked, "It's hard to let go of the reins, but I like the direction."
Ewan avoided reporters and was whisked away to greet his adoring fans. Norm at one point had enough, "Aw, I'm tired of looking at that kid."
Satoshi "Speed", sporting shiny new ball pants, said "I have to go home and cook my tomorrow's lunch."
Deedee was craving beer after the game. When asked if she's off the wagon, she replied, "I'm sitting on the little rail of the wagon." She was later seen at a local pub guzzling a beer.

Box score (probably inaccurate, so please correct me)
Speed 5/5
Skags 4/5
Deedee 4/5
T-Bag 4/5
Shoe 4/5
Angie 4/4
Mary 4/4
Norm! 3/4
Volley 3/4

PF

Sausages training camp report and first game

MONTGOMERY PARK, British Columbia, May 3, 2006. The Sausages held their training camp this past week here in beautiful sunny Montgomery Park, which is about half way between Florida and Arizona. General Manager T-Bag managed to keep the core players together through astute salary negotiations. New signings included Angela Mallard (and her new cleats), Angie Wensink, a multi-sport player from the Horses volleyball team, and Mary Melloy, who survived the gruelling 0pen tryouts. Also, T-Bag and Mit "recruited" a young player called Ewan, who will need some years of development before he is ready for the MHR.
Wendy also received a new nickname over the off-season: "Dee Dee".
Mit was present for the entire training camp and as usual, had some strong words for the media: "Can't we just talk about the team and the game we have coming up on Thursday, instead of constantly rehashing the &*^&^ [incident]?" she scowled. The incident she was referring to was likely the dust-up last summer with the cameraman outside the dugout for which she was suspended 9 games. Later, she was seen wheeling a baby stroller slowly across the field...
Norm! was seen trying his hand at shortstop. "I'm a natural outfielder," he said.
Dirty Al was hitting laser-beam line drives with his new grey bat, which it is rumoured he sleeps with every night.
Volley, in between drags on a cigarette, remarked, "Thanks to this training camp, I'm in the best shape of my life!"
T-Bag was more subdued, "We only have $12 million left under our salary cap, how am I going to sign all these new players? We're going to have to raise ticket prices, it's the only way."
The team looked unprepared and out of condition for the first regular season game at China Creek Park at 6:30PM Thursday, May 4, 2006. "That's just the way we like it, having the other teams think we're unprepared," remarked T-Bag. "Now if you will excuse me I have to breast-feed my child."
Coach Shoe said "be there 30 - 45 minutes early for a good warmup and team hug."
It's gonna be an interesting season!
PF