Calling all authors

I'm looking for guest editorials for the Sausages blog. Send me your best writing samples and pictures (even hand-drawn as long as they are in pdf). But don't send me any more of those creepy threatening newspaper-headline letter cutout notes because those won't make the blog (unless they have been scanned to pdf). And if I don't post your work directly I might totally take your ideas out of context and post them in such a way as to make you look foolish for even writing them. Come on people, take your chances!

I'm also looking for more hits to the blog, so email your friends and get them reading and writing. You can make comments too!

The only small catch is you have to sign up with a Google(tm) account, which is easy. And besides, Google(tm) has a lot of neat stuff.

This post sponsored by Google. Kidding! I would never sell out to the MAN like that!

Lots of good stuff coming up in the next few weeks. Guest editorials, an interview with Phil Fly himself (rebroadcast), the answer to yesterday's trivia question (anyone who gets it will get their name in ALL CAPS in the blog, and you can even cheat if you want and you probably still won't get it, except maybe Volley might), interviews with some of the Sausages and Horses stars, pictures, and more!

P.F.

A Site for T-Bag

Here's a little weirdness. My daily trivia question was: Who was the first Oscar recipient whose Academy Award-winning performance included a nude scene? I'll give you the answer later, but the person was in a made-for-TV movie in the U.K. called "T-Bag's Christmas Ding-Dong". So I got into this T-Bag thing and found out there was a whole series about T-Bag. And then I found a link to a site all about T-Bag and it was on SausageNet.com. That's it, I just thought it was weird.

P.F.

Horses begin training camp

RICHMOND, BC, September 26, 2006. The Horses volleyball team begins its training camp this week in preparation for Sunday's opener at HBS. Coach Shark today ordered the players to "start jogging and don't stop until I say so." That is the simple approach coach Shark is taking this year. Meanwhile, he's at home watching TV and eating pizza. "Lombardo's Cappriciosa," he said with a wink.
The Horses' starting lineup this year is MIT, King-T, Sink, Hope, Volley, Big Ted, and the Shark. "If Big Ted doesn't getcha, the SHARK will! This is Horse-ball!" shouted Coach Shark.

Stay tuned for full coverage of the Horses' full season of volleyball.

Surprised MIT Celebrates 40th

VANCOUVER, BC, September 22, 2006. Sausages star second base person MIT celebrated her 40th birthday with some of her fans at an undisclosed location in downtown Vancouver late Friday night. The location remains undisclosed because they would not pay this reporter the required $500 product placement fee.
Another Sausages star, DeedeeK was there, going on endlessly about how her lip was mangled. Other notable attendees were C, King T, ReDD, J, Mass, Meat, Smitty, J, Kubla, S, Cunny, A, Dirty Al, Sooz, Sunny Glick, Skaggs, Ma & Pa MIT, Bro MIT, Joad, Dot, Toaster, Ma Toaster, Mashed Potatoes, Ethel Merman, Ricky, R, R's friend, and Shoe. Which reminds me, we need to think of nicknames for C, ReDD's J, Smitty's J, A, and R. But that's for another post. Maybe that will happen after the STAGETTE STORY gets told!
MIT got completely wasted and forgot her age for a moment. She tried to convince reporters she was ten!

She was reminded, though, in bold lettering on her cake.





As usual, some people got drunk and had to be removed out to the smoking area.

DeedeeK Speaks: "Blood was everywhere"

VANCOUVER, BC, September 17, 2006. DeedeeK spoke to the press for the first time since smashing a baseball with her face August 27. It took ten stitches to repair the cut she received courtesy of a hard-hit ball from the Chowder, and 108 stitches to repair the baseball. "I just got the last of them out today. I would have taken them out myself, but I didn't have the right tools," she said. She didn't elaborate on what the "right tools" are, but we'll just assume it was pliers and blowtorches.
The injury happened in a game August 27 against the Chowder. DeedeeK said, "It was a hard hit. Normally I'm gonna take it on the bounce, but we needed the out. I decided to go for it. But when I realized I couldn't get it I tried to stop. I could see it coming for my face, but I didn't have time to get my glove there."
DeedeeK at first thought her chiclets had been knocked out. "My teeth are my best feature," she said. All here teeth were intact, but "blood was everywhere," she said. "It's funny, because I have a recurring dream for the past fifteen years that I'm going to lose my teeth."
When asked about the after-effects, the first thing she confirmed is that she has a drinking problem, although it's not certain whether it was caused by the incident or not. "After a week I could drink without a straw," she said. One can only conclude after a statement like that that she must have a drinking problem.
DeedeeK will be providing an "after" photo shortly, but at press time we only had the above artist's sketch of her at the time of the injury.
P.F.

Tales from "Le House de Pent"

VANCOUVER, September 9, 2006. It was Skoal who first coined the phrase "Le House de Pent", even though some others thought it should be "La Maison de Pent". But on a night that started out with pulled pork and finished with a browse through assorted inflatable "poker opponents", there was no mistaking the wholesome love that was in the air. "Dammit, I brought my wedding ring [and I live on 8th Avenue]," said an anonymous participant in the stag party. The party was in honour of Darren M______ (hereafter known as "Stagg Man" after his love for chili), who is getting married soon.
The atrocities began at Dix (pronounced "Dicks"), where brown pops were the order of the day. Skoal spilled the first beer of the night and then tried to lick it up off the table and the nearby jacket that had been soaked by it.
"They have something called a pulled pork salad," exclaimed King-T. "There's something fundamentally wrong about that." Not missing a chance to bring sausages to the forefront, Dirty Al ordered a Louisiana hot sausage for dinner.
The conversation began light, with Stagg Man relating the story of his Uncle Walt, who Stagg Man apparently shaves on a regularl basis, and his ongoing battle against "young punk drivers who drive around with their seats reclined like they're in a lawn chair, talking on the cell phone, not signalling their turns, and almost running me over. They give my ass heartburn." In another story, Stagg Man shows the involuntary reaction of Uncle Walt when Stagg Man shaved off Walt's ear.
The conversation got more philosophical and people got more gooned. "Lisa Simpson is black," said an obviously drunk Stagg Man.
"I don't see any philosophy courses on the Mynah Leagues," added Dirty Al, also obviously drunk and unable to follow the topic. "And another thing, I'll never renounce my droits morales!" Apparently Dirty Al signed away his droits morales in his last contract and yet he still receives $234 in royalties from the French each month. Nobody can figure that one out. But then that's typical of the French.
"No pain, no pain," chimed in Mashed Potatoes Ron. Also obviously drunk.
On the theme of shaving, Chris was complaining that he can't get a "clean close" shave with his Razr phone. He was later seen holding a brontosaurus rib in a way that should not be seen on childrens' television.
After Dix, the party moved out into the street. "Let's take a moment to recognize... that we're gooned," said Skoal solemnly. It should be noted that smokeless tobacco may contain carcinogens of the lips.
Once the crowd reached Le House de Pent, there was a buzz in the air, possibly from the neon sign over the entrance.

The action was hot and heavy inside, but no photos were allowed. When the first stripper got on stage, Stagg Man said "I like her haircut."
"Everyone's wearing teal," muttered Dirty Al, one of the more fashion conscious members of the group. "I'm going to get up there myself if this keeps up."
One member of the crowd was not so concerned with haircuts and outfits. "Show us your beaver!" shouted King-T.

Stagg Man disappeared for quite a while at one point, only to reappear just as the group was leaving. The photo to the left was obtained by a concerned citizen.
The crowd was boistrous and wandered down Granville Street, yelling obscenities, until they finally ended up in a store that sells inflatable poker opponents with words on the box such as "My very large, luscious breasts will make you feel better. -- Nurse Casey" It was assumed that the items were translated from Chinese incorrectly and should have read "I want to play poker with you."
Shortly after leaving that store, the group of males met up with a group of females who seemed to know the males. "Most stags come together at the strip bar," observed Meat. "It would have been cheaper if we just [skipped the strip bar] and got the ladies to strip."
At that point the party broke up and everyone went home.

Slow news day

VANCOUVER, BC, September 5, 2006. Since there are no games this week, I am reporting on a new development in the East Van area. As a housefly, one of my hobbies is to buzz around looking at houses. I came across this one in East Van that had just been painted. And look at those front steps! Such craftsmanship!
PF