GORDON PARK, Vancouver, October 10, 2006. It was recently announced that Sink of the Sausages won the MVP for the MHR tournament in August. Congratulations Sink! Sink has been pestering me for weeks to tell the world about her MVP win. Some have speculated that the award may have inflated her ego to unmanageable proportions. Since the announcement, she has refused to attend training camp for the Horses. "I have a full slate of interviews with every sports publication in North America," said Sink. "How can I find the time to jog with the non-MVPs in training camp?"
P.F.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Monday, October 09, 2006
Answer to the Trivia Question
From the September 27 post, the answer to the question regarding nudity was Glenda Jackson. "Anonymous" got the answer correct in the comments. Who was that anonymous person? Probably someone who is a big fan of www.mrskin.com. In case you have been living under a rock, Mr. Skin is a regular on the Jeff O'Neill show on CFOX. He has a phenomenal knowledge of movie nudity. You can give him any actor/actress' name and he'll tell you every movie and scene where that person got naked on screen. It's like nudity trivia taken to the next level!
P.F.
P.F.
Happy 40th Birthday to Claudia!
It's Claudia's actual 40th today, but thanks to everyone who came out on Friday night to help celebrate! I was concentrating so much on keeping the surprise a secret that I forgot the camera so no pictures from the party, but here's one of C's typical jovial moments at the Burrowing Owl restaurant in Osyos.
For her gift I made her a Claudia mug because they are hard to find in stores. On the other hand, David mugs are easy to find, so for her past three birthdays I got her David mugs. Hey, I had no choice, there weren't any Claudia mugs!
For her gift I made her a Claudia mug because they are hard to find in stores. On the other hand, David mugs are easy to find, so for her past three birthdays I got her David mugs. Hey, I had no choice, there weren't any Claudia mugs!
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Calling all authors
I'm looking for guest editorials for the Sausages blog. Send me your best writing samples and pictures (even hand-drawn as long as they are in pdf). But don't send me any more of those creepy threatening newspaper-headline letter cutout notes because those won't make the blog (unless they have been scanned to pdf). And if I don't post your work directly I might totally take your ideas out of context and post them in such a way as to make you look foolish for even writing them. Come on people, take your chances!
I'm also looking for more hits to the blog, so email your friends and get them reading and writing. You can make comments too!
The only small catch is you have to sign up with a Google(tm) account, which is easy. And besides, Google(tm) has a lot of neat stuff.
This post sponsored by Google. Kidding! I would never sell out to the MAN like that!
Lots of good stuff coming up in the next few weeks. Guest editorials, an interview with Phil Fly himself (rebroadcast), the answer to yesterday's trivia question (anyone who gets it will get their name in ALL CAPS in the blog, and you can even cheat if you want and you probably still won't get it, except maybe Volley might), interviews with some of the Sausages and Horses stars, pictures, and more!
P.F.
I'm also looking for more hits to the blog, so email your friends and get them reading and writing. You can make comments too!
The only small catch is you have to sign up with a Google(tm) account, which is easy. And besides, Google(tm) has a lot of neat stuff.
This post sponsored by Google. Kidding! I would never sell out to the MAN like that!
Lots of good stuff coming up in the next few weeks. Guest editorials, an interview with Phil Fly himself (rebroadcast), the answer to yesterday's trivia question (anyone who gets it will get their name in ALL CAPS in the blog, and you can even cheat if you want and you probably still won't get it, except maybe Volley might), interviews with some of the Sausages and Horses stars, pictures, and more!
P.F.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
A Site for T-Bag
Here's a little weirdness. My daily trivia question was: Who was the first Oscar recipient whose Academy Award-winning performance included a nude scene? I'll give you the answer later, but the person was in a made-for-TV movie in the U.K. called "T-Bag's Christmas Ding-Dong". So I got into this T-Bag thing and found out there was a whole series about T-Bag. And then I found a link to a site all about T-Bag and it was on SausageNet.com. That's it, I just thought it was weird.
P.F.
P.F.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Horses begin training camp
RICHMOND, BC, September 26, 2006. The Horses volleyball team begins its training camp this week in preparation for Sunday's opener at HBS. Coach Shark today ordered the players to "start jogging and don't stop until I say so." That is the simple approach coach Shark is taking this year. Meanwhile, he's at home watching TV and eating pizza. "Lombardo's Cappriciosa," he said with a wink.
The Horses' starting lineup this year is MIT, King-T, Sink, Hope, Volley, Big Ted, and the Shark. "If Big Ted doesn't getcha, the SHARK will! This is Horse-ball!" shouted Coach Shark.
Stay tuned for full coverage of the Horses' full season of volleyball.
The Horses' starting lineup this year is MIT, King-T, Sink, Hope, Volley, Big Ted, and the Shark. "If Big Ted doesn't getcha, the SHARK will! This is Horse-ball!" shouted Coach Shark.
Stay tuned for full coverage of the Horses' full season of volleyball.
Surprised MIT Celebrates 40th
VANCOUVER, BC, September 22, 2006. Sausages star second base person MIT celebrated her 40th birthday with some of her fans at an undisclosed location in downtown Vancouver late Friday night. The location remains undisclosed because they would not pay this reporter the required $500 product placement fee.
Another Sausages star, DeedeeK was there, going on endlessly about how her lip was mangled. Other notable attendees were C, King T, ReDD, J, Mass, Meat, Smitty, J, Kubla, S, Cunny, A, Dirty Al, Sooz, Sunny Glick, Skaggs, Ma & Pa MIT, Bro MIT, Joad, Dot, Toaster, Ma Toaster, Mashed Potatoes, Ethel Merman, Ricky, R, R's friend, and Shoe. Which reminds me, we need to think of
nicknames for C, ReDD's J, Smitty's J, A, and R. But that's for another post. Maybe that will happen after the STAGETTE STORY gets told!MIT got completely wasted and forgot her age for a moment. She tried to convince reporters she was ten!
She was reminded, though, in bold lettering on her cake.
As usual, some people got drunk and had to be removed out to the smoking area.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
DeedeeK Speaks: "Blood was everywhere"
VANCOUVER, BC, September 17, 2006. DeedeeK spoke to the press for the first time since smashing a baseball with her face August 27. It took ten stitches to repair the cut she received courtesy of a hard-hit ball from the Chowder, and 108 stitches to repair the baseball. "I just got the last of them out today. I would have taken them out myself, but I didn't have the right tools," she said. She didn't elaborate on what the "right tools" are, but we'll just assume it was pliers and blowtorches.
The injury happened in a game August 27 against the Chowder. DeedeeK said, "It was a hard hit. Normally I'm gonna take it on the bounce, but we needed the out. I decided to go for it. But when I realized I couldn't get it I tried to stop. I could see it coming for my face, but I didn't have time to get my glove there."
DeedeeK at first thought her chiclets had been knocked out. "My teeth are my best feature," she said. All here teeth were intact, but "blood was everywhere," she said. "It's funny, because I have a recurring dream for the past fifteen years that I'm going to lose my teeth."
When asked about the after-effects, the first thing she confirmed is that she has a drinking problem, although it's not certain whether it was caused by the incident or not. "After a week I could drink without a straw," she said. One can only conclude after a statement like that that she must have a drinking problem.
DeedeeK will be providing an "after" photo shortly, but at press time we only had the above artist's sketch of her at the time of the injury.
P.F.
The injury happened in a game August 27 against the Chowder. DeedeeK said, "It was a hard hit. Normally I'm gonna take it on the bounce, but we needed the out. I decided to go for it. But when I realized I couldn't get it I tried to stop. I could see it coming for my face, but I didn't have time to get my glove there."
DeedeeK at first thought her chiclets had been knocked out. "My teeth are my best feature," she said. All here teeth were intact, but "blood was everywhere," she said. "It's funny, because I have a recurring dream for the past fifteen years that I'm going to lose my teeth."
When asked about the after-effects, the first thing she confirmed is that she has a drinking problem, although it's not certain whether it was caused by the incident or not. "After a week I could drink without a straw," she said. One can only conclude after a statement like that that she must have a drinking problem.
DeedeeK will be providing an "after" photo shortly, but at press time we only had the above artist's sketch of her at the time of the injury.
P.F.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Tales from "Le House de Pent"
VANCOUVER, September 9, 2006. It was Skoal who first coined the phrase "Le House de Pent", even though some others thought it should be "La Maison de Pent". But on a night that started out with pulled pork and finished with a browse through assorted inflatable "poker opponents", there was no mistaking the wholesome love that was in the air. "Dammit, I brought my wedding ring [and I live on 8th Avenue]," said an anonymous participant in the stag party. The party was in honour of Darren M______ (hereafter known as "Stagg Man" after his love for chili), who is getting married soon.
The atrocities began at Dix (pronounced "Dicks"), where brown pops were the order of the day. Skoal spilled the first beer of the night and then tried to lick it up off the table and the nearby jacket that had been soaked by it.
"They have something called a pulled pork salad," exclaimed King-T. "There's something fundamentally wrong about that." Not missing a chance to bring sausages to the forefront, Dirty Al ordered a Louisiana hot sausage for dinner.
The conversation began light, with Stagg Man relating the story of his Uncle Walt, who Stagg Man apparently shaves on a regularl basis, and his ongoing battle against "young punk drivers who drive around with their seats reclined like they're in a lawn chair, talking on the cell phone, not signalling their turns, and almost running me over. They give my ass heartburn." In another story, Stagg Man shows the involuntary reaction of Uncle Walt when Stagg Man shaved off Walt's ear.
The conversation got more philosophical and people got more gooned. "Lisa Simpson is black," said an obviously drunk Stagg Man."I don't see any philosophy courses on the Mynah Leagues," added Dirty Al, also obviously drunk and unable to follow the topic. "And another thing, I'll never renounce my droits morales!" Apparently Dirty Al signed away his droits morales in his last contract and yet he still receives $234 in royalties from the French each month. Nobody can figure that one out. But then that's typical of the French.
"No pain, no pain," chimed in Mashed Potatoes Ron. Also obviously drunk.
On the theme of shaving, Chris was complaining that he can't get a "clean close" shave with his Razr phone. He was later seen holding a brontosaurus rib in a way that should not be seen on childrens' television.
After Dix, the party moved out into the street. "Let's take a moment to recognize... that we're gooned," said Skoal solemnly. It should be noted that smokeless tobacco may contain carcinogens of the lips.
Once the crowd reached Le House de Pent, there was a buzz in the air, possibly from the neon sign over the entrance.
The action was hot and heavy inside, but no photos were allowed. When the first stripper got on stage, Stagg Man said "I like her haircut.""Everyone's wearing teal," muttered Dirty Al, one of the more fashion conscious members of the group. "I'm going to get up there myself if this keeps up."
One member of the crowd was not so concerned with haircuts and outfits. "Show us your beaver!" shouted King-T.
Stagg Man disappeared for quite a while at one point, only to reappear just as the group was leaving. The photo to the left was obtained by a concerned citizen.
The crowd was boistrous and wandered down Granville Street, yelling obscenities, until they finally ended up in a store that sells inflatable poker opponents with words on the box such as "My very large, luscious breasts will make you feel better. -- Nurse Casey" It was assumed that the items were translated from Chinese incorrectly and should have read "I want to play poker with you."
Shortly after leaving that store, the group of males met up with a group of females who seemed to know the males. "Most stags come together at the strip bar," observed Meat. "It would have been cheaper if we just [skipped the strip bar] and got the ladies to strip."
At that point the party broke up and everyone went home.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Slow news day
VANCOUVER, BC, September 5, 2006. Since there are no games this week, I am reporting on a new development in the East Van area. As a housefly, one of my hobbies is to buzz around looking at houses. I came across this one in East Van that had just been painted. And look at those front steps! Such craftsmanship!PF
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Sausages make B-board final, lose close game
GORDON PARK, Vancouver, BC, August 27, 2006. The Sausages were brimming with a well-spiced combination of pork, beef and confidence going into Sunday's play at the MHR championships. The first game was against the mighty Traders at 9:30 on the northeast diamond. The confidence of the Sausages was short-lived, as the Traders got off to an early start with a 7-run first inning, and never looked back. The Sausages tried to make a game of it by chipping away at the lead through the next few innings, but couldn't match the firepower of the Traders. Shoe got lucky with a hit and managed to use his lightning fast speed to 'grind' it into a grand 'salami'. Final score was 14-10 Traders.
In the first game of the playoffs it was the rematch with the Shirts. It was a close game, with back and forth leads, until the fifth when the Sausages broke it open with a 7-run outburst. Dirty Al had a grand salami of his own in that inning. He was also particularly fast on the base paths, stealing a number of bases in the tournament. Sources close to the team said he was on the "juice".
In the consolation final, the Sausages could not close out the Chowder, and lost by one run on a great play by their outfielder to take a hit away from Tracy. During the game there was an unfortunate play in which a bad hop caught DeedeeK in the face and forced her to leave the game. "It was like someone dropped a coconut on concrete," said Dirty Al. He continued, "after that injury we were a bit rattled and didn't really care too much about the score."
Final score was, um, well, who cares.
Box scores will be available later in the week.
In the first game of the playoffs it was the rematch with the Shirts. It was a close game, with back and forth leads, until the fifth when the Sausages broke it open with a 7-run outburst. Dirty Al had a grand salami of his own in that inning. He was also particularly fast on the base paths, stealing a number of bases in the tournament. Sources close to the team said he was on the "juice".
In the consolation final, the Sausages could not close out the Chowder, and lost by one run on a great play by their outfielder to take a hit away from Tracy. During the game there was an unfortunate play in which a bad hop caught DeedeeK in the face and forced her to leave the game. "It was like someone dropped a coconut on concrete," said Dirty Al. He continued, "after that injury we were a bit rattled and didn't really care too much about the score."
Final score was, um, well, who cares.
Box scores will be available later in the week.
Sausages make history
GORDON PARK, Vancouver, BC, August 26, 2006. The Sausages were smoked, but not cured against the Hounds in game one of the MHR league championship tournament. The Hounds won, but the Sausages made history by turning a rare triple play in the game. T-Bag caught a line drive, tagged the runner running from first to second, and then gunned out the runner trying to go from second to third on the tag-up.
"Everything happened just right," said T-Bag.
"But it wasn't an unassisted triple play," commented Dirty Al. "Show me an unassisted triple play and I might be impressed."
The final score was 10-1 for the Hounds, but everyone remembered the triple play more than the score.
In the second game of the round robin, the Sausages smeared the Spectacles without too much trouble.
In the third game, the linked ones got by the Shirts to end the Saturday with a 2-1 record.
P.F.
"Everything happened just right," said T-Bag.
"But it wasn't an unassisted triple play," commented Dirty Al. "Show me an unassisted triple play and I might be impressed."
The final score was 10-1 for the Hounds, but everyone remembered the triple play more than the score.
In the second game of the round robin, the Sausages smeared the Spectacles without too much trouble.
In the third game, the linked ones got by the Shirts to end the Saturday with a 2-1 record.
P.F.
Friday, August 25, 2006
Sausages End Season Over .500
MONTGOMERY PARK, Vancouver, BC, August 24, 2006. The Sausages leapt in celebration and the fans rushed onto the field after last night's game in which the mightly linked ones clinched their first .500 season in the MHR.
Sink pitched for the first time this year. "Hey, if Rick, the leader of the league, can slingshot then so can she," said acting coach T-Bag this morning in a telephone interview.
The smoked, cured ones are now primed and confident heading into the playoffs on Saturday at beautiful Gordon Park. "Did you see how Dirty Al got us a bye in the first game," said T-Bag. "It's a thing of beauty!"
Apparently, Dirty Al lived up to his name when he wrote a full-scale program to schedule the tournament and managed to hard-code a bye for the Savages into the system. Nice going Al!
No stats were available at press time.
PF
Sink pitched for the first time this year. "Hey, if Rick, the leader of the league, can slingshot then so can she," said acting coach T-Bag this morning in a telephone interview.
The smoked, cured ones are now primed and confident heading into the playoffs on Saturday at beautiful Gordon Park. "Did you see how Dirty Al got us a bye in the first game," said T-Bag. "It's a thing of beauty!"
Apparently, Dirty Al lived up to his name when he wrote a full-scale program to schedule the tournament and managed to hard-code a bye for the Savages into the system. Nice going Al!
No stats were available at press time.
PF
Friday, August 18, 2006
More Cowbell
Since there was no game last night, we here at the newsroom are scraping the bottom of the barrel for material. I'm sure the traffic on the Sausages blog is low, and the advertising revenues are plummeting, but what can you do when there is no Sausages game to report on? In the words of Dave Hodge "that's just how the CBC works." Speaking of CBC, did you hear BellGlobeMedia intends to outbid the CBC for the NHL broadcast rights in Canada? So CTV might be taking over HNIC (or some variation thereof) after the 2007-08 season. Something about that doesn't seem right!
But I digress. In lieu of a sports report, I want to present a little lesson in teamwork. See the link, buy the shirt, and remember: More cowbell!
Note: the clip is actually funnier if you don't have the video on, just the audio. Speaking of which, have you ever noticed that the Frasier show is funnier when you are just listening to it and not watching?
Speaking of Frasier, I just watched Inside Man last night and it was really good. Rent it. The detective played by Denzel is named Frazier ("with a zee").
PF
But I digress. In lieu of a sports report, I want to present a little lesson in teamwork. See the link, buy the shirt, and remember: More cowbell!
Note: the clip is actually funnier if you don't have the video on, just the audio. Speaking of which, have you ever noticed that the Frasier show is funnier when you are just listening to it and not watching?
Speaking of Frasier, I just watched Inside Man last night and it was really good. Rent it. The detective played by Denzel is named Frazier ("with a zee").
PF
Friday, August 11, 2006
Sausages Back to .500
MONTGOMERY PARK, Vancouver, BC August 10, 2006. The Sausages "ferreted out" their second win in a row the easy way, after the Spectacles defaulted last night's game due to insufficient players. "They are on, uh... summer holidays," said Rick, coach of the Specs.
"I think he's covering for them," said Mit. "I saw them at the bar this morning getting gooned. What I mean is, they were getting gooned, not me." Mit was seen later doing squats with T-Bag on her back.
The default win put the smoked, cured ones at 7-7 on the season with one game remaining, the first time since game two that they have been at .500.
The Sausages lent the Spectacles some players and the game went ahead on a "fun" basis, although it was anything but a "fun" game for some. "I hate it when people aren't competitive," said DeedeeK before guzzling her sixth can of Red Bull and charging out to play for the other team. Coach Shoe got into hot water for trying to bat three women in a row near the top of the order. "What was I thinking?" said Shoe. He then promptly dropped one of the women to the ninth spot.
Norm! brought his pet ferret Pepita to the game. Pepita was in mourning over the loss of her mate Pepe. "She didn't want to be alone tonight," said Norm!
After the game the players went over to M.E.M's place for a delicious and nutritious lasagne feast. Julius missed the party so Mem gave Chicken Little to Dirty Al to take home to Julius. When asked if she played poker, Mem said "I was weaned on a deck of cards." Later, after some calculated thought, she blurted out, "Im a hustler."
Mem introduced the team to her dogs Bridget and Pearl, but she didn't say what breed they are. T-Bag was speculating they were Shi-tzus and others were saying they were bulldogs. Shoe thought they might be the rare cross breed called the bull-shit.
Thanks to Mem for putting on such a great "do" for the team!
Box score:
T-Bag 3 pieces of lasagne
Shoe 3 pieces
DeedeeK 2
Dirty Al 2
Norm! 2
Speed 2
Claire 1
Collette 1
Mit 1
Mem 1
Volley 1
Yumi 1
Claudia 0.05
Kaya 0
Ewan 0
P.F.
"I think he's covering for them," said Mit. "I saw them at the bar this morning getting gooned. What I mean is, they were getting gooned, not me." Mit was seen later doing squats with T-Bag on her back.
The default win put the smoked, cured ones at 7-7 on the season with one game remaining, the first time since game two that they have been at .500.
The Sausages lent the Spectacles some players and the game went ahead on a "fun" basis, although it was anything but a "fun" game for some. "I hate it when people aren't competitive," said DeedeeK before guzzling her sixth can of Red Bull and charging out to play for the other team. Coach Shoe got into hot water for trying to bat three women in a row near the top of the order. "What was I thinking?" said Shoe. He then promptly dropped one of the women to the ninth spot.
Norm! brought his pet ferret Pepita to the game. Pepita was in mourning over the loss of her mate Pepe. "She didn't want to be alone tonight," said Norm!
After the game the players went over to M.E.M's place for a delicious and nutritious lasagne feast. Julius missed the party so Mem gave Chicken Little to Dirty Al to take home to Julius. When asked if she played poker, Mem said "I was weaned on a deck of cards." Later, after some calculated thought, she blurted out, "Im a hustler."
Mem introduced the team to her dogs Bridget and Pearl, but she didn't say what breed they are. T-Bag was speculating they were Shi-tzus and others were saying they were bulldogs. Shoe thought they might be the rare cross breed called the bull-shit.
Thanks to Mem for putting on such a great "do" for the team!
Box score:
T-Bag 3 pieces of lasagne
Shoe 3 pieces
DeedeeK 2
Dirty Al 2
Norm! 2
Speed 2
Claire 1
Collette 1
Mit 1
Mem 1
Volley 1
Yumi 1
Claudia 0.05
Kaya 0
Ewan 0
P.F.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Comments anyone?
I just turned on the "allow comments" setting, so you don't have to be a member to add a comment. Bring it on!
Also, if you are just getting the emails and not actually going to the blog at http://sausagesbaseball.blogspot.com/ then you are probably missing the pictures and stuff, so I recommend you bookmark this blog and check it every five minutes for more exciting stuff.
And if you want a friend to join the sausages baseball mailing list, they can go to Google Groups and search for sausages baseball and join there. Or, even better, I think you can invite them to join.
PF
Also, if you are just getting the emails and not actually going to the blog at http://sausagesbaseball.blogspot.com/ then you are probably missing the pictures and stuff, so I recommend you bookmark this blog and check it every five minutes for more exciting stuff.
And if you want a friend to join the sausages baseball mailing list, they can go to Google Groups and search for sausages baseball and join there. Or, even better, I think you can invite them to join.
PF
Saturday, August 05, 2006
More Sausage Trivia
This isn't really trivia, but there's a site called "SausageLinks.com" and it contains everything you ever wanted to know about sausages. Question 28 on their FAQ list is "Are Sausages healthy?" To which I would say, of course not, in fact they are dead! Unless they are covered in healthy mold or something.Here's another bit of trivia: There is actually a recording artist called Sausage. One of his songs is called "Caution Should Be Used While Driving A Motor Vehicle Or Operating Machinery" Don't bother buying it.
On a completely unrelated note, Shoe is thinking of getting some team uniforms for the sausages, and the bad news is he's looking for them at T-Shirt Hell. For those who have babies, don't look at the baby t-shirt section.
PF
Sausages Soil Shirts, Film at Eleven
MONTGOMERY PARK, Vancouver, BC, August 2, 3006. The Sausages needed some seventh inning heroics from Speed to get by the Shirts in Thursday's action. The smoke, cured ones are now 6-7 on the year after the 19-18 win.
The Sausages needed to add another right-hander to their staff, so coach Shoe gave Norm! a surprise start in this game, and Norm! delivered a solid performance. It was his first start of the year and he shook off the rust quickly, going four innings and giving up ten runs, six of them earned, but he had to settle for a no-decision. Volley took over in the 5th and held the hard-swinging shirts at bay until the Sausages took over with their bats.
The Sausages' women were outstanding, racking up 10 "hits" (a walk is not differentiated from a hit) between the three of them, including a triply by M.E. (Emmy?) and a clutch single in the last inning by WendyK. Sink was desperate to bunt, but, sadly, she never got the chance. "Give me the bunt sign Shoe!" she yelled from the batter's box. "Suicide squeeze?"
But the MVP was Satoshi, who went 5-6, made some nice plays at third base, and hit the game-winning walk-off single in the seventh. After the game, Speed said "I have my class 1 drivers licence and I'm going to get a job driving a truck now." It was as if the money from baseball was not enough!
"I think he was inspired by having Yumi watching," said Shoe. Meanwhile, unknown to the ball players, Yumi and Mit and Redd were totally ignoring the game and playing with the babies and chatting.
There was only one injury in the game, and that was in the warmup when Julius got hit in the wrist by a fly ball from that meanie Rick. Julius collapsed in a heap in left field and barely had the strength in his hand to keep score!
Box score:
Speed 5/6
Norm! 4/5
Sink 4/5
Shoe 3/5
Volley 3/5
Emmy 3/5
Dirty Al 2/5
T-Bag 2/4
WendyK 3/4
PF
The Sausages needed to add another right-hander to their staff, so coach Shoe gave Norm! a surprise start in this game, and Norm! delivered a solid performance. It was his first start of the year and he shook off the rust quickly, going four innings and giving up ten runs, six of them earned, but he had to settle for a no-decision. Volley took over in the 5th and held the hard-swinging shirts at bay until the Sausages took over with their bats.
The Sausages' women were outstanding, racking up 10 "hits" (a walk is not differentiated from a hit) between the three of them, including a triply by M.E. (Emmy?) and a clutch single in the last inning by WendyK. Sink was desperate to bunt, but, sadly, she never got the chance. "Give me the bunt sign Shoe!" she yelled from the batter's box. "Suicide squeeze?"
But the MVP was Satoshi, who went 5-6, made some nice plays at third base, and hit the game-winning walk-off single in the seventh. After the game, Speed said "I have my class 1 drivers licence and I'm going to get a job driving a truck now." It was as if the money from baseball was not enough!
"I think he was inspired by having Yumi watching," said Shoe. Meanwhile, unknown to the ball players, Yumi and Mit and Redd were totally ignoring the game and playing with the babies and chatting.
There was only one injury in the game, and that was in the warmup when Julius got hit in the wrist by a fly ball from that meanie Rick. Julius collapsed in a heap in left field and barely had the strength in his hand to keep score!
Box score:
Speed 5/6
Norm! 4/5
Sink 4/5
Shoe 3/5
Volley 3/5
Emmy 3/5
Dirty Al 2/5
T-Bag 2/4
WendyK 3/4
PF
Phil Fly is back!
Actually, Phil never left, but he couldn't write the column for a while there because he couldn't find anyone to translate his fly-writing into human language.
Anyway, let's get up to date. The Sausages played the Raiders on June 22 at Strathcona and lost a tight one by one run.
On June 29 the links played the mighty Biminis Bullies, and got thoroughly bullied en route to a 12-7 loss at Monty Park.
On July 6 the smoked cured ones slammed the Chowder 10 - 6 in front of 3 fans at beautiful China Creek Park.
On July 13, it was the rematch with the Traders, but the Sausages weren't able to equal their season-high two game winning streak, losing 9-6.
On July 20, the membraneous-skinned ones managed to eke out a 9-8 win in the last inning against the Glue, in what was probably the Sausages' best all-round performance of the year to date. Highlights included a dramatic seventh inning comeback started by Norm!, Shoe, and Volley, and finished in fine style by a sweet hit by Tracy and a game-winning sac fly by WendyK. Well done ladies!
On July 27, the resurgent White Sox took the rematch game, one that most of the Sausages felt slipped away from them.
Which brings us to the August 3 barnburner against the Shirts. See my next post for the complete wrap-up.
PF
Anyway, let's get up to date. The Sausages played the Raiders on June 22 at Strathcona and lost a tight one by one run.
On June 29 the links played the mighty Biminis Bullies, and got thoroughly bullied en route to a 12-7 loss at Monty Park.
On July 6 the smoked cured ones slammed the Chowder 10 - 6 in front of 3 fans at beautiful China Creek Park.
On July 13, it was the rematch with the Traders, but the Sausages weren't able to equal their season-high two game winning streak, losing 9-6.
On July 20, the membraneous-skinned ones managed to eke out a 9-8 win in the last inning against the Glue, in what was probably the Sausages' best all-round performance of the year to date. Highlights included a dramatic seventh inning comeback started by Norm!, Shoe, and Volley, and finished in fine style by a sweet hit by Tracy and a game-winning sac fly by WendyK. Well done ladies!
On July 27, the resurgent White Sox took the rematch game, one that most of the Sausages felt slipped away from them.
Which brings us to the August 3 barnburner against the Shirts. See my next post for the complete wrap-up.
PF
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Dog Bites Man, Dies
Strathcona Park, BC, June 15, 2006. The dog in this case is the Hounds team, who mauled the Sausages and tore them link from link in Thursday's action. The final score was 17-4 for the Houngs. The Hounds had their long-haired 'A' chucker on the mound to start the game and he handled the men well, but the Sausages' girls took him to task and drove in all the Sausages' four runs. Sink went 3 for 3 and scored two runs. DeedeeK had one of her best hits of the year, and Mit was 2 for 3 at the dish. Norm! broke out of a mini-slump by clubbing a monster triple in the third. Shoe, T-Bag and Volley, usually a dependable heart of the order, were all ofers on the night, and Shoe had a disastrous two K's. Even Speed was human, going 2 for 4 on the night.
"I just wasn't pumped," muttered T-Bag.
"Three more weeks until my wife comes home," said Speed, looking a little sad.
Volley was complimentary of the Hounds' hitters. "They were good at taking the pitch off the plate and going with it, and with their speed, anything past the infield is a triple," he said.
"They were lean beans and they had the gears," added ME-ME.
Oh, and speaking of bangers, the answer to last week's trivia question was bangers. One of the other answers we received was "How about water sausages, ya POS!" from T-Bag, but this reporter could not figure out why he was being called a Point of Sale?
On the bright side for the Sausages, there was some great live entertainment in the bandstand behind the backstop.
Box score:
Speed 2/4
Norm! 2/4
ME-ME 1/4
Shoe 0/4
T-Bag 0/3
Volley 0/3
Sink 3/3
DeedeeK 2/3
Mit 2/3
P.F.
"I just wasn't pumped," muttered T-Bag.
"Three more weeks until my wife comes home," said Speed, looking a little sad.
Volley was complimentary of the Hounds' hitters. "They were good at taking the pitch off the plate and going with it, and with their speed, anything past the infield is a triple," he said.
"They were lean beans and they had the gears," added ME-ME.
Oh, and speaking of bangers, the answer to last week's trivia question was bangers. One of the other answers we received was "How about water sausages, ya POS!" from T-Bag, but this reporter could not figure out why he was being called a Point of Sale?
On the bright side for the Sausages, there was some great live entertainment in the bandstand behind the backstop.
Box score:
Speed 2/4
Norm! 2/4
ME-ME 1/4
Shoe 0/4
T-Bag 0/3
Volley 0/3
Sink 3/3
DeedeeK 2/3
Mit 2/3
P.F.
Monday, June 12, 2006
Rained out!
Vancouver, Canada, June 8, 2006. The much anticipated matchup between the Sausages and the Spectacles was postponed, and the disappointed fans have been told there will be no refunds. The game has been rescheduled to August 24 at Montgomery East.This week upcoming, the Sausages are playing the baddest team in the league -- the Hounds -- at Strathcona centre diamond. Get ready to howl! I heard Harvey the Hound is their mascot. To the right is a picture after Craig MacTavish ripped Harvey's tongue out. That's what the Sausages are planning to do to the Hounds if they start dangling their tongues into the Sausages' dugout. "The dugout is our space, man!" said Shoe.
With no game to report on, local reporters, this one included, started a good-natured banter about possible nicknames for the nickname-less people. One of them brought out an old Jack Handey quote: "Sometimes you have to be careful when selecting a new name for yourself. For instance, let's say you have chosen the nickname "Fly Head."Normally you would think that "Fly Head" would mean a person who has beautiful swept-back features, as if flying through the air. But think again. Couldn't it also mean "having a head like a fly"? I'm afraid some people might actually think that." - Jack Handey
Phil Fly, of course, is one who indeed has a head like a fly and did not see the humour in that quote.
So, Mells & Sink, think about it, and help us come up with a good nickname for you or you BOTH might end up with the nickname "Fly Head".
Sausages Trivia
Meanwhile, here is a bit of Sausages trivia to pass the time until the next game. What British word for sausages arose during World War II because the sausages were so full of water they sometimes exploded when heated?
Answer next week.
That's all for now.
P.F.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
No Shirt, No Shoes, No Players
MONTGOMERY PARK, Vancouver, June 1, 2006. The Sausages won their easiest game of the season Thursday night as their would-be opponents, the Shirts, couldn't field a team. "One of our players totalled his truck, one of our girls is AWOL, and another girl couldn't make it," said Rob of the Shirts. "So we'll forfeit and why don't you just give us a couple of players for the field so we can play a fun game," he added.
"Faaack you!" said T-Bag.
In the end the two teams played a nothing game for four innings and called it quits after one of the shirts was felled while stealing third by a head-shot from catcher Volley. Dr. Sink was quick to action, making sure the player didn't have a concussion. After she was finished slapping him in the face a few times to revive him she looked around and said "how many fingers am I holding up?"
It was disappointing not to have a real game, as Mit was back in the lineup, Kobe was back from injury, and Shoe was getting his first start on the mound this season. Norm!, however, was nowhere to be seen and it was rumoured he had missed the team bus.
The "fun" game dragged on a bit too long for one fan. "Alan you're my hero!" said a wet, shivering Claudia after Dirty Al made the final out of the dreadful fourth inning.
The Sausages are now three and two on the season and sit in fourth place with six points.
Fans are reminded to bring a camera to the next game for some action shots of their favourite players, like this one of one of the Shirts players.
But please, no flash bulbs!
No box score this week.
P.F.
"Faaack you!" said T-Bag.
In the end the two teams played a nothing game for four innings and called it quits after one of the shirts was felled while stealing third by a head-shot from catcher Volley. Dr. Sink was quick to action, making sure the player didn't have a concussion. After she was finished slapping him in the face a few times to revive him she looked around and said "how many fingers am I holding up?"
It was disappointing not to have a real game, as Mit was back in the lineup, Kobe was back from injury, and Shoe was getting his first start on the mound this season. Norm!, however, was nowhere to be seen and it was rumoured he had missed the team bus.
The "fun" game dragged on a bit too long for one fan. "Alan you're my hero!" said a wet, shivering Claudia after Dirty Al made the final out of the dreadful fourth inning.
The Sausages are now three and two on the season and sit in fourth place with six points.
Fans are reminded to bring a camera to the next game for some action shots of their favourite players, like this one of one of the Shirts players.
But please, no flash bulbs!No box score this week.
P.F.
Sausages Soil the White Sox
CHINA CREEK PARK, BRITISH COLUMBIA, May 25, 2006. The Sausages came to play in game number four of the 2006 season against the rebuilding White Sox. Led by the solid hitting of Mells and the fine chucking and stick of Volley, the Linked Ones beat the Sox 15-8. Mells was four for four on the night. T-Bag, who was dropped down to the number eight spot in the batting order, proved the coach wrong by going three for four at the dish. Norm! also had a good night, going three for four as well, after getting off to a slow start to the season.
Winter was showing some emotion on this night. "I'm not ashamed to bunt," he said just before roping a line drive past the third base person's ear. "I love giving the pitcher a million looks," he added.
DeedeeK was getting into it with some fans, who were heckling her about throwing home instead of second base. "I have to throw home once in a while when there's a runner on base or they'll run on me every time!"
To which the heckling fans replied, "Your ankle support doesn't go on your left foot! It goes on your brain!" Three fans were ejected from the ballpark by security.
Meanwhile, junior fan club member Julius was cheering on dear old dad. "You're my hero dad!" he exclaimed (or did Dirty Al just imagine that part?).
Box score:
Dirty Al 3/5
Norm! 3/5
Sink 2/5
Shoe 2/5
Volley 3/4
DeedeeK 2/4
Mells 4/4
T-Bag 3/4
Winter 2/4
That's it!
P.F.
Winter was showing some emotion on this night. "I'm not ashamed to bunt," he said just before roping a line drive past the third base person's ear. "I love giving the pitcher a million looks," he added.
DeedeeK was getting into it with some fans, who were heckling her about throwing home instead of second base. "I have to throw home once in a while when there's a runner on base or they'll run on me every time!"
To which the heckling fans replied, "Your ankle support doesn't go on your left foot! It goes on your brain!" Three fans were ejected from the ballpark by security.
Meanwhile, junior fan club member Julius was cheering on dear old dad. "You're my hero dad!" he exclaimed (or did Dirty Al just imagine that part?).
Box score:
Dirty Al 3/5
Norm! 3/5
Sink 2/5
Shoe 2/5
Volley 3/4
DeedeeK 2/4
Mells 4/4
T-Bag 3/4
Winter 2/4
That's it!
P.F.
Friday, May 19, 2006
Sausages sniff the Glue
CHINA CREEK PARK, British Columbia, May 18, 2006. An undernourished bachelor, a visit from Winter, and another story of a navy career ruined by Tabasco. Those were the themes of the night Thursday as the Sausages took on the first-place Glue in MHR action. The score (which isn't really important, is it?) was 18-10 for the Glue.
The on-base machine, Satoshi, his wife away the past two weeks, was clearly weakened by malnutrition as he had his first strikeout in recent memory in his first at bat. He was revived with smelling salts after that at-bat and finished the game three for four. Meanwhile, on the mound, Volley had a strong start and it was only due to some lucky seeing-eye singles and sun-blinded errors behind him that the Glue did as well as they did. In a dramatic shakeup, Sink was thrust into the catching job mid-game, replacing the shocked Shoe, after which Volley retired the side 1-2-3 on about 5 pitches. "It's all about the catcher," said Sink.
Winter got his first few innings in of the season, playing a solid centre field and ripping a couple of hard line drives. "We should be in an over-40 league," he said later at the post-game team meeting.
T-Bag was a little less jovial. "I don't know why [I didn't steal]... it was dumb," he said, before adding, "I've been working on my quote all week!" He was two for two at the plate, picking up his average from the first two games.
Mells, who is conducting an "intensive search for a new nickname", asked some reporters, "Who's the fly on the wall?" It wasn't clear if she was referring to Phil Fly.
After the game, at the team meeting at a secret location code-named "Joe's", Volley secured a choice table for the team and wisely flanked himself on both sides with several other players, to give him a buffer against the throngs of groupies. One groupie, who happened also to be a waitress, asked "Hey Marshall, what are you doing in there?" Busted. Meanwhile, Dirty Al told a rip-roaring story about his buddy's buddy Boris who had his life ruined when his (Boris') roommate splashed Tabasco in his face and Boris cracked his knee on the coffee table. It was riveting. After the roaring laughter died down, Dirty Al, who, incidentally, was voted third star by the junior fan club, put on his best southern accent and said "I'm going home for some chicken pot pie." He then flipped everyone the bird and stormed out.
Box score:
Satoshi 3/4
Dirty Al 2/4
Deedee 2/4 (couple of nice rips)
Shoe 4/4
Norm! 1/4
Mells 2/3 (got robbed at least once)
Sink 1/3 (got robbed at least once)
T-Bag 2/2
Winter 1/2 (got robbed on his second AB)
Volley 0/4 (can this be correct?)
Injury report:
Dave Williams, on the 14-day disabled list
P.F.
The on-base machine, Satoshi, his wife away the past two weeks, was clearly weakened by malnutrition as he had his first strikeout in recent memory in his first at bat. He was revived with smelling salts after that at-bat and finished the game three for four. Meanwhile, on the mound, Volley had a strong start and it was only due to some lucky seeing-eye singles and sun-blinded errors behind him that the Glue did as well as they did. In a dramatic shakeup, Sink was thrust into the catching job mid-game, replacing the shocked Shoe, after which Volley retired the side 1-2-3 on about 5 pitches. "It's all about the catcher," said Sink.
Winter got his first few innings in of the season, playing a solid centre field and ripping a couple of hard line drives. "We should be in an over-40 league," he said later at the post-game team meeting.
T-Bag was a little less jovial. "I don't know why [I didn't steal]... it was dumb," he said, before adding, "I've been working on my quote all week!" He was two for two at the plate, picking up his average from the first two games.
Mells, who is conducting an "intensive search for a new nickname", asked some reporters, "Who's the fly on the wall?" It wasn't clear if she was referring to Phil Fly.
After the game, at the team meeting at a secret location code-named "Joe's", Volley secured a choice table for the team and wisely flanked himself on both sides with several other players, to give him a buffer against the throngs of groupies. One groupie, who happened also to be a waitress, asked "Hey Marshall, what are you doing in there?" Busted. Meanwhile, Dirty Al told a rip-roaring story about his buddy's buddy Boris who had his life ruined when his (Boris') roommate splashed Tabasco in his face and Boris cracked his knee on the coffee table. It was riveting. After the roaring laughter died down, Dirty Al, who, incidentally, was voted third star by the junior fan club, put on his best southern accent and said "I'm going home for some chicken pot pie." He then flipped everyone the bird and stormed out.
Box score:
Satoshi 3/4
Dirty Al 2/4
Deedee 2/4 (couple of nice rips)
Shoe 4/4
Norm! 1/4
Mells 2/3 (got robbed at least once)
Sink 1/3 (got robbed at least once)
T-Bag 2/2
Winter 1/2 (got robbed on his second AB)
Volley 0/4 (can this be correct?)
Injury report:
Dave Williams, on the 14-day disabled list
P.F.
Saturday, May 13, 2006
CHINA CREEK PARK, British Columbia, May 11, 2006. The Sausages got a rude awakening and their perfect season was ruined at the hands of the formidable Traders in Thursday's action. Led by a three-home-run performance by Blake, the Traders had little trouble taking care of the Sausages on this night. One of the Traders is pictured in figure 1.The "Links" took an early lead, but it didnt' last long, as the Traders stormed back in the fourth inning with seven runs and rocked the Shoe for another seven runs in the sixth, eventually running away with a 23-14 win.
The "intestinal-membraned ones" had another solid performance on the sticks, but the defense never really found its groove. "They were swinging for the fences and we weren't playing them deep enough," said T-Bag. Meanwhile, Speed-oshi was five for five at the dish and scored three times, while Dirty Al, batting in the two-stick, was also five for five and scored three runs. Mary had a monster triple in the fourth that she tried to turn into a dinger but was thrown out at the plate (or was it the coach's fault?).
Controversy erupted in the fifth inning when a little white dog jumped the fence and streaked across the field, revealing the words "Soy Bomb" painted on its side. It was tackled by security guards and removed from the stadium.
Reporters spotted Mike "Winter" Chan in the Sausages' press box and rumours started flying that he might be coming out of retirement to play for the "smoked, cured ones." Winter naturally declined to comment, but he did say "Old Man Winter is knocking on the door." Obviously this was code for "I am dying to play some Sausage-ball."
First-string scorekeeper Mit, usually standoffish with the media, really opened up after the game. "It's hard to keep score when there is a baby around and people to talk to," she said.
Angie, after just missing a ball at third, on her way into the dugout was heard muttering, "that extra half-inch [glove size] would have made a difference."
Junior recruit Ewan was visibly upset with his lack of playing time. "If they won't play me, trade me," he said. Another future Sausages star, Julius was more patient, opting instead to cheer on his dad, Dirty Al, instead of getting into a war of words in the media. "Come on Dad!" he yelled.
The smoked, cures ones will now regroup and take on another tough opponent, the Glue, this Thursday in the lush green confines of China Creek Park. The fans will be wearing a sea of blue, so it should be exciting. Coach Shoe said, "get to the park early and warm up thoroughly, I don't want to see all this limping going on all year!" He continued, "And don't forget to bring $50 for T-Bag for league fees. And what does a guy have to do to get a beer around here!"
Box score:
Speed-oshi 5/5
Dirty Al 5/5
Deedee 3/5
T-Bag 1/5
"Tiger" Williams 2/3
Shoe 2/2 (pitched 3)
Sink 3/5 (I just made up that nickname, let's see if it sticks)
Mells 1/5 (same)
Norm! 3/5
Volley 2/5 (pitched 4)
Mit (DS)
Winter (riding the pine)
P.F.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Game 1 vs. Slam Chowder
CHINA CREEK PARK, British Columbia, May 4, 2006. The sun was shining on the Sausages as they easily defeated the uninspired Slam Chowder 25-12 in their home opener at legendary China Creek Park. The fans had a ball too, with all four cheering (well, one of them was crying at times).
The advantage the Sausages had was their girls, with all three having outstanding hitting games and totally outmatching the Chowder's girls. Mary, who still doesn't have a nickname, called the dugout atmosphere "extraordinary". Angie, also without a nickname, said "It doesn't matter what you're wearing, you gotta get down." It's not clear exactly what she meant by that.
Starting pitcher Volley hurled. He then came out for the game, pitching three solid innings in his first start of the season. "The energy level wasn't there," he said weakly before collapsing on the bench from the Norwalk virus. He was later seen stumbling around a local pub looking for the "Reverend" chair.
Rookie Skags, a last minute call up from the farm team, showed some nervous energy early but got rolling later in the game. "After I pulled my groin I really settled down," he said.
Associate coach T-Bag seemed to enjoy his role as a pure player. He remarked, "It's hard to let go of the reins, but I like the direction."
Ewan avoided reporters and was whisked away to greet his adoring fans. Norm at one point had enough, "Aw, I'm tired of looking at that kid."
Satoshi "Speed", sporting shiny new ball pants, said "I have to go home and cook my tomorrow's lunch."
Deedee was craving beer after the game. When asked if she's off the wagon, she replied, "I'm sitting on the little rail of the wagon." She was later seen at a local pub guzzling a beer.
Box score (probably inaccurate, so please correct me)
Speed 5/5
Skags 4/5
Deedee 4/5
T-Bag 4/5
Shoe 4/5
Angie 4/4
Mary 4/4
Norm! 3/4
Volley 3/4
PF
The advantage the Sausages had was their girls, with all three having outstanding hitting games and totally outmatching the Chowder's girls. Mary, who still doesn't have a nickname, called the dugout atmosphere "extraordinary". Angie, also without a nickname, said "It doesn't matter what you're wearing, you gotta get down." It's not clear exactly what she meant by that.
Starting pitcher Volley hurled. He then came out for the game, pitching three solid innings in his first start of the season. "The energy level wasn't there," he said weakly before collapsing on the bench from the Norwalk virus. He was later seen stumbling around a local pub looking for the "Reverend" chair.
Rookie Skags, a last minute call up from the farm team, showed some nervous energy early but got rolling later in the game. "After I pulled my groin I really settled down," he said.
Associate coach T-Bag seemed to enjoy his role as a pure player. He remarked, "It's hard to let go of the reins, but I like the direction."
Ewan avoided reporters and was whisked away to greet his adoring fans. Norm at one point had enough, "Aw, I'm tired of looking at that kid."
Satoshi "Speed", sporting shiny new ball pants, said "I have to go home and cook my tomorrow's lunch."
Deedee was craving beer after the game. When asked if she's off the wagon, she replied, "I'm sitting on the little rail of the wagon." She was later seen at a local pub guzzling a beer.
Box score (probably inaccurate, so please correct me)
Speed 5/5
Skags 4/5
Deedee 4/5
T-Bag 4/5
Shoe 4/5
Angie 4/4
Mary 4/4
Norm! 3/4
Volley 3/4
PF
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Sausages training camp report and first game
MONTGOMERY PARK, British Columbia, May 3, 2006. The Sausages held their training camp this past week here in beautiful sunny Montgomery Park, which is about half way between Florida and Arizona. General Manager T-Bag managed to keep the core players together through astute salary negotiations. New signings included Angela Mallard (and her new cleats), Angie Wensink, a multi-sport player from the Horses volleyball team, and Mary Melloy, who survived the gruelling 0pen tryouts. Also, T-Bag and Mit "recruited" a young player called Ewan, who will need some years of development before he is ready for the MHR.
Wendy also received a new nickname over the off-season: "Dee Dee".
Mit was present for the entire training camp and as usual, had some strong words for the media: "Can't we just talk about the team and the game we have coming up on Thursday, instead of constantly rehashing the &*^&^ [incident]?" she scowled. The incident she was referring to was likely the dust-up last summer with the cameraman outside the dugout for which she was suspended 9 games. Later, she was seen wheeling a baby stroller slowly across the field...
Norm! was seen trying his hand at shortstop. "I'm a natural outfielder," he said.
Dirty Al was hitting laser-beam line drives with his new grey bat, which it is rumoured he sleeps with every night.
Volley, in between drags on a cigarette, remarked, "Thanks to this training camp, I'm in the best shape of my life!"
T-Bag was more subdued, "We only have $12 million left under our salary cap, how am I going to sign all these new players? We're going to have to raise ticket prices, it's the only way."
The team looked unprepared and out of condition for the first regular season game at China Creek Park at 6:30PM Thursday, May 4, 2006. "That's just the way we like it, having the other teams think we're unprepared," remarked T-Bag. "Now if you will excuse me I have to breast-feed my child."
Coach Shoe said "be there 30 - 45 minutes early for a good warmup and team hug."
It's gonna be an interesting season!
PF
Wendy also received a new nickname over the off-season: "Dee Dee".
Mit was present for the entire training camp and as usual, had some strong words for the media: "Can't we just talk about the team and the game we have coming up on Thursday, instead of constantly rehashing the &*^&^ [incident]?" she scowled. The incident she was referring to was likely the dust-up last summer with the cameraman outside the dugout for which she was suspended 9 games. Later, she was seen wheeling a baby stroller slowly across the field...
Norm! was seen trying his hand at shortstop. "I'm a natural outfielder," he said.
Dirty Al was hitting laser-beam line drives with his new grey bat, which it is rumoured he sleeps with every night.
Volley, in between drags on a cigarette, remarked, "Thanks to this training camp, I'm in the best shape of my life!"
T-Bag was more subdued, "We only have $12 million left under our salary cap, how am I going to sign all these new players? We're going to have to raise ticket prices, it's the only way."
The team looked unprepared and out of condition for the first regular season game at China Creek Park at 6:30PM Thursday, May 4, 2006. "That's just the way we like it, having the other teams think we're unprepared," remarked T-Bag. "Now if you will excuse me I have to breast-feed my child."
Coach Shoe said "be there 30 - 45 minutes early for a good warmup and team hug."
It's gonna be an interesting season!
PF
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