Dog Bites Man, Dies

Strathcona Park, BC, June 15, 2006. The dog in this case is the Hounds team, who mauled the Sausages and tore them link from link in Thursday's action. The final score was 17-4 for the Houngs. The Hounds had their long-haired 'A' chucker on the mound to start the game and he handled the men well, but the Sausages' girls took him to task and drove in all the Sausages' four runs. Sink went 3 for 3 and scored two runs. DeedeeK had one of her best hits of the year, and Mit was 2 for 3 at the dish. Norm! broke out of a mini-slump by clubbing a monster triple in the third. Shoe, T-Bag and Volley, usually a dependable heart of the order, were all ofers on the night, and Shoe had a disastrous two K's. Even Speed was human, going 2 for 4 on the night.
"I just wasn't pumped," muttered T-Bag.
"Three more weeks until my wife comes home," said Speed, looking a little sad.
Volley was complimentary of the Hounds' hitters. "They were good at taking the pitch off the plate and going with it, and with their speed, anything past the infield is a triple," he said.
"They were lean beans and they had the gears," added ME-ME.
Oh, and speaking of bangers, the answer to last week's trivia question was bangers. One of the other answers we received was "How about water sausages, ya POS!" from T-Bag, but this reporter could not figure out why he was being called a Point of Sale?
On the bright side for the Sausages, there was some great live entertainment in the bandstand behind the backstop.
Box score:
Speed 2/4
Norm! 2/4
ME-ME 1/4
Shoe 0/4
T-Bag 0/3
Volley 0/3
Sink 3/3
DeedeeK 2/3
Mit 2/3

P.F.

Rained out!

Vancouver, Canada, June 8, 2006. The much anticipated matchup between the Sausages and the Spectacles was postponed, and the disappointed fans have been told there will be no refunds. The game has been rescheduled to August 24 at Montgomery East.
This week upcoming, the Sausages are playing the baddest team in the league -- the Hounds -- at Strathcona centre diamond. Get ready to howl! I heard Harvey the Hound is their mascot. To the right is a picture after Craig MacTavish ripped Harvey's tongue out. That's what the Sausages are planning to do to the Hounds if they start dangling their tongues into the Sausages' dugout. "The dugout is our space, man!" said Shoe.

With no game to report on, local reporters, this one included, started a good-natured banter about possible nicknames for the nickname-less people. One of them brought out an old Jack Handey quote: "Sometimes you have to be careful when selecting a new name for yourself. For instance, let's say you have chosen the nickname "Fly Head."Normally you would think that "Fly Head" would mean a person who has beautiful swept-back features, as if flying through the air. But think again. Couldn't it also mean "having a head like a fly"? I'm afraid some people might actually think that." - Jack Handey
Phil Fly, of course, is one who indeed has a head like a fly and did not see the humour in that quote.
So, Mells & Sink, think about it, and help us come up with a good nickname for you or you BOTH might end up with the nickname "Fly Head".

Sausages Trivia
Meanwhile, here is a bit of Sausages trivia to pass the time until the next game. What British word for sausages arose during World War II because the sausages were so full of water they sometimes exploded when heated?

Answer next week.

That's all for now.
P.F.

No Shirt, No Shoes, No Players

MONTGOMERY PARK, Vancouver, June 1, 2006. The Sausages won their easiest game of the season Thursday night as their would-be opponents, the Shirts, couldn't field a team. "One of our players totalled his truck, one of our girls is AWOL, and another girl couldn't make it," said Rob of the Shirts. "So we'll forfeit and why don't you just give us a couple of players for the field so we can play a fun game," he added.
"Faaack you!" said T-Bag.
In the end the two teams played a nothing game for four innings and called it quits after one of the shirts was felled while stealing third by a head-shot from catcher Volley. Dr. Sink was quick to action, making sure the player didn't have a concussion. After she was finished slapping him in the face a few times to revive him she looked around and said "how many fingers am I holding up?"
It was disappointing not to have a real game, as Mit was back in the lineup, Kobe was back from injury, and Shoe was getting his first start on the mound this season. Norm!, however, was nowhere to be seen and it was rumoured he had missed the team bus.
The "fun" game dragged on a bit too long for one fan. "Alan you're my hero!" said a wet, shivering Claudia after Dirty Al made the final out of the dreadful fourth inning.
The Sausages are now three and two on the season and sit in fourth place with six points.
Fans are reminded to bring a camera to the next game for some action shots of their favourite players, like this one of one of the Shirts players.
But please, no flash bulbs!
No box score this week.





P.F.

Sausages Soil the White Sox

CHINA CREEK PARK, BRITISH COLUMBIA, May 25, 2006. The Sausages came to play in game number four of the 2006 season against the rebuilding White Sox. Led by the solid hitting of Mells and the fine chucking and stick of Volley, the Linked Ones beat the Sox 15-8. Mells was four for four on the night. T-Bag, who was dropped down to the number eight spot in the batting order, proved the coach wrong by going three for four at the dish. Norm! also had a good night, going three for four as well, after getting off to a slow start to the season.
Winter was showing some emotion on this night. "I'm not ashamed to bunt," he said just before roping a line drive past the third base person's ear. "I love giving the pitcher a million looks," he added.
DeedeeK was getting into it with some fans, who were heckling her about throwing home instead of second base. "I have to throw home once in a while when there's a runner on base or they'll run on me every time!"
To which the heckling fans replied, "Your ankle support doesn't go on your left foot! It goes on your brain!" Three fans were ejected from the ballpark by security.
Meanwhile, junior fan club member Julius was cheering on dear old dad. "You're my hero dad!" he exclaimed (or did Dirty Al just imagine that part?).
Box score:
Dirty Al 3/5
Norm! 3/5
Sink 2/5
Shoe 2/5
Volley 3/4
DeedeeK 2/4
Mells 4/4
T-Bag 3/4
Winter 2/4

That's it!
P.F.